I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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