Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
