And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bring money and cleavage
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
