I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
