Taylor Swift is so right about you.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
