Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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