Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
