just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
