mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
