omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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