Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
