I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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