8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
