My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
