i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
