The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
