Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
