My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
