Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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