I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
