if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
