Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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