someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
