I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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