She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
