Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
