He asked me if I "almost moaned"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
