Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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