well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
