Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
