TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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