i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
