HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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