Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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