How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
