k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
