Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
