Quick, to the slutcave!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
