Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you would pick up someone in the library
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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