Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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