i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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