i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
