On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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