This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
