i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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