he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
