i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
