just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
