Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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