he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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