my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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