My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
