So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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