I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
