apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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