There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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