I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
