if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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