the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
