Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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