Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
