I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
