she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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