Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
