Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
