I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
