She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize