I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
tell me about the eggs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
