Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she peed on how many people?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize