Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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