theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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