I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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