just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
