Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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