I hate all girls vehemently.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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