Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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