Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
