You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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