my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
