not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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